There's no progress like no progress

Geeze...by now I thought my topics would be things like how the digging is going, or the cement being poured. Or decisions involving cabinets and lighting.

Suffice it to say I am a little bummed.

Actually, I am a lot bummed. The garage door in the townhome stopped working tonight as I was on my way out. My normal procedure would be to call a repair guy. But since I am a renter, I have to contact the owner first. Jackie and I are not people who are generally abusive of our living spaces, yet we have gone through a kitchen faucet and now the opener in a little over a month. I sure hope the owners don't start to think of us as complainers or destroyers.

Life in the townhome is different. It echoes. Sound bounces off the walls. You can't escape it. I tried, but it follows me everywhere. I know I have neighbors but I really have not seen anyone outside because you don't have to do anything outside. The association mows, weeds, trims, picks up, plows, shovels.......for an extra fee I think someone will come wipe my butt!

We have an upstairs...at least it was there two weeks ago when I showed it to Bethy. I don't go up there because it's just a bedroom suite. We also have a downstairs and I do go there to walk on the treadmill, shred paper or get wine. Mostly to get wine. Of course I also go down there to put wine in the racks so I can drink it when I want, which is often.

A couple of nights ago I must have pulled a muscle (don't laugh...I have a couple) near my shoulder.

I knew it was nothing, but when I was laying in bed I got to thinking of the last time I had a pain in my chest I thought was nothing and ended up getting a stent following a minor heart attack. So I am laying there thinking....muscle pull? Or the big one? Then I thought of all the crap I have stuffed in Emily's basement, garage, bedroom and living room. What happens to it when I am gone? I started getting worried and my muscle hurt more. I knew it was a muscle. Or the several large doses of caffeine type drinks I had during the day. Anyway, I was up to 3 a.m. thinking: Am I going to be dead if I close my eyes? How do get rid of stuff? Where are we going to eventually end up living? What is it all about, Alfie?

Eventually I fell asleep. And I woke up.

Which I guess is a good thing.

Dam it, not beaver style either

Baby some rain must fall.....

There is no Santa, dear ....

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away ....

Where is that rug that used to be under my feet?

Our plan was to sell and then build.

We bought a lot. Went to an architect. Now a mountain has popped up on the road of life. Not a hill. Not a speed bump. A mountain. I don't think we can climb it, or ford every stream, or follow every rainbow either.

Now it's a sit and wait game..... waiting for numbers....numbers that involve money........ numbers we may not have.

Could point fingers, that does not help. Could have scaled back, that isn't an option now.

I know what I am willing to do to build a house. I also know I am not willing to give up my life style, my travel, my coffees.

And I don't think I want to talk about it either.

I always figured what is meant to be, is meant to be. Always been content to go along, hope that the wind blows me in the right direction, that the path to the left will be just as good as the path to the right.

Truthfully, sometimes when I have to make a big decision I procrastinate. Somehow the decision gets made, without my sometimes goofy input. That works for me, it really does.

That's better than when I make a life changing decision and find out it may have been a big friggin mistake .... like not going to see that band of long haired English guys at Comisky Park when my cousin Sally got tickets.

Or not jumping on the job opportunity which would have taken us out to Mormon country.

Listening to my inner self tell me Steve Jobs won't make much of a difference the second time with Apple, when stock was $10 a share as compared to zillions now.

I think of my father. In 1955 he bought 50 shares of stock in American Motors. But when they sent him the certificate, it listed 50 shares of GM. He called the broker and said there was a mistake, he wanted AM stock, not GM. So the switch was made. Within a few years AMC was gone and GM was doing pretty darn good. My nature has been to keep the stock, a thing called fate is taking control.

I'm just not so sure of that today.